DAY 4

I moved to the city in the fall of 2014 for a 2 year internship program with The Dream Center. When our first year was coming to an end, our second years would share about what they were going to do after graduation and my group, the first years, talked a lot about what the next year was going to be like. It seemed like everyone had such incredible stories about how they were called to New York and what they felt called to do after, and I would leave those conversations feeling small because I had moved to the city really just to try to salvage a relationship that had ended poorly.

I wasn’t sure that I was even in the right place or doing the right thing because I never had the same “ah-ha” moment that I felt a lot of our team had about coming to serve in New York. God’s calling always felt so vague and abstract to me, and I couldn’t wrap my head around what it meant to surrender to Him. I didn’t want to live outside of His will, but I also couldn’t handle the pressure of trying to figure out what it was.

Right before we ended our first year I said a prayer that said something like, “God, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I am going to stay until you make it clear that I am to go.” I wish I could tell you that I had immediate peace and that a neon sign fell from the sky that said “Becky, I am so proud of you because I have called you to New York and to a church called The Grace Place and to this guy named Martin!”, but that never happened for me. Instead, I can tell you that over the last 9 years, I learned what the Gospel truly is and what it means to me. I learned that God forgives me and that even though I had missed the mark a million times, He could still work through my life in incredible ways. I learned that He really is enough, and that my anxiety didn’t own me. 

Over time, I started to think less about what exactly God was calling me to do and I became more concerned with who He was calling me to be. He just wanted me to be His. I believe that God gives us direction to specific jobs and places and people, but I believe that He calls our hearts far before He ever reveals those things to us. 

If you feel stuck and the question of what God is calling you to do is suffocating, I encourage you to give it up. God will direct your steps when you focus your eyes daily on answering His call for you to draw near to Him. If you feel like you have wandered too far for God to have a calling or purpose for your life, I encourage you to turn to the scriptures and read about the many men and women who messed it all up and were still used by God in great ways. His arms are always open.

For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.

2 Timothy 1:9

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33